Don’t look now, but the South is getting ready to rise again! And again. And again. We rise only to fall in vain each November. But this year, I am full of hope. Fall no more, you heroes of the South. This year, we’ve got em! This year, it will be different. This year we will rise victorious!
See, this year is the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War here in Charleston. And we are feeling lucky. As summer winds down, Sons of the Confederacy are polishing buttons, cleaning rifles and laying plans to crush the wicked Yanks. Mark it down, November 11 and 12 are ass kickin’ days in Charleston. It’s reenactment time!
What ? You might ask.
For those of you who moved here from Ohio, allow me to explain. A Civil War reenactment is where grown men dress in period attire, fire fake ammunition at each other, get pretend killed and lay for hours in the Carolina sun to prove we got our asses kicked this time just as bad as last time! Just in case anyone forgot.
But, you can’t forget when you live in the South. Reminders are everywhere. The good: The old historic homes of the South, the carriage tours, the heartfelt stories of soldiers on BOTH sides and the difficulties they endured. Then, there is the bad: rednecks who really do believe slavery of other humans was a good idea, The Klan and beat up pick-up trucks with Confederate Flag bumper stickers proclaiming “Damn right I am a redneck!” (like we couldn’t have guessed).
cmofosho.wordpress.com
Momma is so proud!
I am Southern, I don’t get it. We lost. You don’t get to celebrate losses. Ask the Miami Heat. We have got to be the dumbest people on the planet. Who else celebrates a war they LOST? The British….No. There are NO Colonial Days celebrations in London. The Germans……Nope. They don’t fly the Nazi flag and talk about the glory years. Why here?
It could be about a fundamental philosophy. But it’s not. It could be about historical education. But, it’s not. Many kids today couldn’t tell you who fought in the war, much less who was on which side.
No, this is about capitalism! Red blooded, flag waving, yee-hawing capitalism. Tourists have money and are suckers for a good story. And we have confederate hats, confederate t-shirts, confederate ashtrays (top seller), confederate bikinis and hell, probably confederate condoms with “The South Shall Rise Again” written on its sleeve!
whichwouldyoubang.com
Better keep that condom handy
(Ok, the Conferdate Condom is actually a good idea. It is also now dated for copyright protection, so don’t even think about it!)
You don't have to understand what drives this fascination with our failed military camaign. Hell, I don't. But, be hesitant to write these persistent Southerns off. It would be a mistake to be so sure that the South will not rise again. It very well may. The Rust Belt is dying, the southern Sun Belt is thriving. Most of Ohio lives in Mount Pleasant now. A revolution is brewing.
So, come to Charleston, ya’ll. Join the Rebellion. Enjoy the show. Buy our junk. And by all means, see the reenactment.
Just bet on Blue…….the outcome is rigged.
No comments:
Post a Comment